


all i've ever known

by kkulbear



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Boxing, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Childhood Friends, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, none of the members tho it's just a dead body
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkulbear/pseuds/kkulbear
Summary: out in the cold so longi didn't even know that i was coldturned my collar to the windthis is how it's always been
Relationships: Ju Haknyeon/Kim Sunwoo, Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	1. the one with the dead body

Sunwoo was only seven years old when he saw a dead body for the first time. He hadn’t quite realised what it was when the limp and bloated man that was splayed across the cracked concrete had entered his field of vision, he just knew that he felt eerie. He felt that he shouldn’t be there, but he couldn’t stop himself from moving closer and closer; the man was seemingly luring him in. As Sunwoo approached him, he leaned his bike over on its handlebars and left it behind. When he was closer, he saw that there was a vibrant red puddle that jutted out from his head. The unfamiliar smell of what turned out to be burnt rubber filled his nostrils and made his face twist into a pout. The scent invaded his senses and was nearly unbearable. He looked up from the man and the shiny glass that rested on the road and reflected rainbows and saw a small yellow car that was wrapped around the median and missing it's windshield. Smoke rose from what was left of the hood of the car, and Sunwoo was finally able to put two and two together. He moved even closer and squatted down so he could reach the man, resting a tiny hand on his shoulder and giving him a gentle shake. 

“Mister? Mister, wake up. What happened to you?” Sunwoo stared into the back of the man’s head with his wide doe-eyes. The body laid still and Sunwoo held his breath, waiting for something to happen. Anything to happen at all. It was almost as if the world stood still. The trees which usually danced and had the wind blowing through their hair were silent as the sky seemingly ceased to breathe, leaving the world mute. “Mister?”

“What’re you doing?” a voice came from behind Sunwoo. He rose to his feet and turned on his heels to see a boy who was much taller than him. His face was round and soft and his black bangs were cut in a straight line across his forehead. He was wearing a bright green helmet and his fingers were wrapped around the handles of a scooter. Sunwoo looked up at him still wide eyed as he tried to muster up words. Sunwoo figured from his height that the boy was older than him, that and the fact that he had a hard time with the language here anyways made him even more nervous to speak back to the boy. 

“H-he’s hurt.”

“He’s  _ dead _ . He isn’t hurting, I promise.” the boy let go of his scooter and it clattered to the ground. His voice was soft and low. It had a comforting tone about it. He walked closer to the body and squatted just as Sunwoo had. The boy laced his fingers under the man's shoulder and heaved him over, rolling him on his back. His face was blackened and covered in blood, a dent was prominent in his forehead surely from banging it so hard on the concrete. The boy clicked his tongue and stood up again. Sunwoo kept his eyes locked on him, waiting to be told what to do as his knees shook back and forth.

“What happened?” Sunwoo managed to get out. The boy closed the gap between them and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“He crashed his car into that concrete thing there,” he pointed toward the median. “He’s in heaven now, nothing bad can happen to him anymore; he’s not hurting.”

Sunwoo tried to hold it in but couldn’t help it when his lower lip trembled and wetness stung his eyes. Death was sad, he could remember when his mothers sister had died and everyone cried except for his dad. Sunwoo could do nothing but wonder about the man's family and about if they would cry for him. Death meant going away forever and since Sunwoo missed his aunt, he knew that someone had to feel the same about the corpse that lay upon the ground.

“What’s your name? I’m Haknyeon, I don’t live far from here, where do you live?” The boy smiled down at Sunwoo. He was missing a couple teeth which made Sunwoo feel less intimidated by him.

“Sunwoo. I live in the yellow house down there, I just moved here.” he blinked back his tears as his mind shifted gears quickly, focusing on the conversation at hand. Sunwoo had moved with his family from America and he had to concentrate really hard to understand everything that was being said to him-- but he was getting a lot better at it. 

“Why do you sound like that?” Haknyeon cocked his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing and making his brow more prominent.

“Like what?” the question, of course, was inevitable. People asked his parents the same thing. However, Sunwoo had gotten a better grip of this language than his parents had; it just came easily to him. But of course, he had an accent that lay gently at the back of his throat. One that no matter how much he spoke would not go away and it made him sound  _ different.  _

“You pause a lot, and you say stuff weird. It sounds kinda cool.” Haknyeon giggled, finally removing his hand from Sunwoo’s shoulder and ruffling his hair. Haknyeon had collected his ride and had started walking it away from the boy and the scene of the crash. Sunwoo was captivated from the moment that Haknyeon had rolled up on his scooter. Sunwoo wanted Haknyeon to be his friend. 

“H-hey Haknyeon! Wait up!” Sunwoo picked up his bike and walked it alongside Haknyeon. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going home. We have to tell someone about what happened here.” Haknyeon didn’t invite him, but Sunwoo followed him home like a lost puppy.

Haknyeon’s parents were nice. They let Sunwoo into their home and gave him some juice in a little white cup. Haknyeon told them his name and he beamed up at them with his wide eyes and sad-looking expression-- even though he was one hundred percent pleased.

“We saw something up the road. Toward the place where the trees get thicker, there’s a man who crashed his car. We need to call someone.” Haknyeon sounded more mature than just seven years old-- the same age as Sunwoo. His words were precise and exact and regardless of what the boys had just seen in the street, he was calm-- they both were. But to be fair, Sunwoo had barely had the opportunity to grasp the situation at hand; he didn’t understand exactly what all of this meant or the severity of what he had just seen. And he most certainly didn’t understand why the police and ambulance had showed up later and had the boys show them where the body was.

When they walked up the winding street again, retracing their steps up the hill, the sight before them struck them as more harrowing than it had before. Sunwoo felt scared and he so desperately wished his mom was with him instead of being with a few strangers. A vulture had perched itself on the man, its head covered in red as it stared at them, watching their distance before it flew away when they got too close. The cops wouldn't allow anyone to get closer to the body as they ushered in the EMT. The man was carried away on a stretcher, his head turned to the side. His eyes had popped open and Sunwoo couldn’t look away from them. The whites of his eyes were clouded by red and his irises seemed to have turned completely black. His mouth had hinged open and he bounced up and down rhythmically as he was carried to the ambulance. He disappeared into the truck but his broken face and unwavering gaze was burned into Sunwoo’s mind. 

He stepped closer to Haknyeon, clutching at his arm and looking to him for comfort. Haknyeon’s mother looked down at him and clicked her tongue.

“It’s getting pretty late, your mother must be worried sick about you, huh? Where do you live, I want to talk to your parents.” Sunwoo opened his mouth to speak but he was quickly cut off.

“He lives down the street in the yellow house, on the opposite part of the street from us.” Haknyeon glanced at Sunwoo, somehow understanding his discomfort with speaking. Haknyeon’s eyes were soft and all intimidation that Sunwoo had felt from before had flown out the window. Sunwoo had found a friend.

  
  
  
  
  


After they had found out what had happened, his family seemed to be walking on eggshells around Sunwoo. Their kid had seen a dead body, there had to be something damaging about that, right? Sunwoo didn’t like it, he just wanted things to be more normal like before the situation happened. However, he would be lying if he said that he didn’t think about the man's dead stare every time he closed his eyes; the gaze haunted him deeply… but its not like anyone really  _ needed _ to know that. Except for Haknyeon. Sunwoo had started to tell Haknyeon everything.

A few weeks later, the pair were inseparable. Sunwoo’s parents had gotten along with Haknyeon’s very well, regardless of the small language barrier and they noticed how Sunwoo seemed to cling to Haknyeon’s side; so naturally, their parents planned a sleepover for them. Sunwoo stood in the front doorway, his mother's hand laid gently on his shoulder, with a black canvas bag clutched tightly in his small fist. He had hauled his Playstation 2 all the way down the street with a few black cases tucked inside containing his favourite games that he wanted to share with Haknyeon. 

Haknyeon’s parents had set up a big red tent in their living room floor with a pallet of blankets covering the bottom so that the boys would be comfortable. It was littered with snacks and drinks and two flashlights that blinked all different colours, projecting a riot of hues onto the blank wall from inside the tent through the unzipped door. Sunwoo was caught up in the lights when Haknyeon spoke to him, setting his flashlight down on its end so it would shine up into the roof of the tent and lying on his back.

“We’re going to start school soon, you know?” Haknyeon propped an arm behind his head.

“Uh-huh.” was the only sound of affirmation that Sunwoo managed to muster, not quite expecting the topic to come up. Between the pauses in their conversation, the score from  _ Destroy All Humans!  _ Played softly in the background where they had left it paused on the television.

“You need to learn how to talk better and understand more. I can understand you, but other people won’t. I can help you learn if you want.” Haknyeon had mastered the art of understanding the broken Korean that Sunwoo spoke to try to express himself because sometimes he just couldn’t find the right words. 

Sunwoo blinked at the question, knowing that he  _ had _ to accept Haknyeon’s offer because the chance of having someone at the school who spoke English was slim to none and if Sunwoo wanted to fit in he  _ had _ to learn the language better. “Of course, please.” he said.

Haknyeon had never really had a friend before. In fact, the whole reason he was in a class behind everyone else his age was because he wasn’t social enough-- and not to mention his separation issues with his mother.  _ Every. Morning.  _ He had been working on it all summer-- the separation anxiety that is-- and he had pretty much gotten over it and was ready to hit first grade again but this time as a seven year old. Him being older made the teachers think that it would make him feel even more motivated to make friends and to even help the younger students if they needed it since he had been through this rodeo once before. Holding Haknyeon back was just better for everyone involved. However, regardless of the fact that he wasn’t afraid to be pried from his mother's side, he still wasn’t so keen in the social aspect. He hadn’t been able to make a single friend in the last part of his first time through first grade, up until the summer had almost completely flew by. But then he met Sunwoo. Sunwoo was the perfect friend for Haknyeon considering that he could “mother” him a bit. Teach him some language skills he would need for school, and the fact that Sunwoo was younger made Haknyeon feel comfortable enough to be who he was because no matter what he would always be Sunwoo’s Haknyeon, the one who taught him how to survive here and how to communicate better. And Sunwoo, a shy kid who was on the shorter side and also a little pudgy, just needed someone to guide him. 

Their friendship was a match made in heaven, which is why it was so easy for them to spend so much time together. Their first sleepover had happened two and a half weeks before school started up and they managed to stay at each other's houses almost every night until they truly couldn’t. Haknyeon would just talk to Sunwoo, making him speak to him without using English. He would have Sunwoo read his favourite books aloud to him, making him repeat it if he fumbled over words until they slipped out of his mouth easier than before. And Haknyeon realised that once Sunwoo had the ability to communicate what he wanted to say, he could hardly ever shut up. Knowing how to express himself made Sunwoo excited, hyperactive even, and he had to take a second to let himself calm down. 

  
  


☀

  
  


To say that Sunwoo was excited to go to school was an understatement. He knew that he and Haknyeon were in the same class and that he would walk into a colourful classroom with a nice teacher with a honey voice that would be patient with him and teach him things he would remember for the rest of his life. Sunwoo was  _ so  _ excited that when his mother told him to change into his pajamas and to get ready for bed, he wanted to do anything but that. His eyes felt awake, he felt alive, and he was going to be put to bed? Blasphemy! He did change into his pajamas and he did lay in bed, but he listened to the footsteps of his parents, waiting for them to go to their bedroom before he sat up in his own and flipped on the lights. His room wasn’t anything special. It was a little on the small side and the foot of his bed faced the only window in the room. Since he was on the second floor of the house, he had opted against having mini blinds just because he liked it when the sun peeked through at him in the morning. However, that night he saw something else in the black void that was the portal to outside. His head was taken over by fear as his skin tingled with chills. He was taken back to the scene he had seen only a month before; the window reminded him of the neverending blackness that was the dead man's eyes. 

Sunwoo was uncomfortable to say the least. He had begun to shake, replaying the day in his head as he stared blankly at the window. After his last memory of that day was over, something else took hold of his mind. He was in his bed again but it was in his mind. A dark figure crawled on all fours through the glass of the window, seemingly as if it  _ was _ glass itself. It dropped into his room and disappeared below the foot of his bed with an audible  _ thud _ . The covers were slowly pulled down from him as he was paralysed with fear, he couldn’t move or scream; he could only watch. The covers too fell to the floor and dark, dirty hands appeared, gripping the bed as whatever it was heaved itself up and plopped its torso onto the bed in an unnatural way, almost as if it were made of rubber. Sunwoo could feel his breathing getting faster and faster and his eyes began to dampen but there was still nothing he could do about it. The figure pulled itself up to Sunwoo, slowly raising its head until its face was in full view. Sunwoo recognised the dead man with his black pits for eyes. They stared at each other for a moment until the man spoke, his mouth twisting into a tight-lipped smile. “ _ Sunwoo.”  _ was all it said before Sunwoo jerked awake on his bed completely alone. His chest dipped in and out as he tried to catch his breath.  _ Calm down, calm down  _ he told himself, trying to mimic the calmness that Haknyeon brought him and unable to look toward the window.

Sunwoo rose to his feet, avoiding the window completely and held his blanket in one hand, throwing the excess fabric behind him so he wouldn’t trip over it. He tiptoed through his house, being sure not to wake up his parents and made his way to the front door. He twisted the handle and stepped out, breathing in the fresh night air-- something he didn’t know to appreciate at just seven years old. He looked up at the stars and felt a tad bit calmer, but it still wasn't enough. He padded down the street in his fireman pajamas with his baby blue blanket slung over his shoulder. He made it to his destination fairly quickly, a route he had travelled fairly often those days, and decided against trying to go into the front door, knowing right off the top of his head that it would be locked-- Haknyeon’s parents were always safe. But the good thing about Haknyeon’s house is that although it was big, it was all sprawled out on a single story. He walked around the house until he made it to where Haknyeon’s room should be and he tried to peer into the window only to realise that there were mini blinds obstructing his view.  _ Perfect.  _ He balled his tiny fist and rapped against the window three times, loud enough to echo around him, so surely it would be loud enough to wake Haknyeon.

A faint light clicked on and let an amber glow fuzzily radiate from the window as a shadow approached it. Sunwoo was relieved to see a sleepy Haknyeon rolling the blinds up and opening the window. He scratched his head, rubbing his eyes with his free hand and looked down at Sunwoo.

“School tomorrow, Swoo.” was what Haknyeon managed to croak out.

“I know, I know. I had a bad dream about  _ him.”  _

“Come sleep.” Haknyeon didn’t need to ask any questions; he already knew exactly what Sunwoo was talking about, in fact this wasn’t the first time Sunwoo had seen the man again. Sunwoo always saw him when he was alone and closed his eyes for a little too long. He could always see his gaze staring at him as he was loaded into the ambulance; the image was stuck in his head. However, this was the first time that he had seen the man as a whole man. Usually when he saw him, it was for a split second. Almost as if his mind was playing tricks on him and skipping like a cheap DVD player.

Haknyeon leaned out of the window, offering both of his arms for Sunwoo to grab onto. Sunwoo gripped his arms and climbed up the three feet of wall clearance to make it into the window and into the safety of his best friend’s bed. Haknyeon opened his covers, climbing in and scooting to the edge to let Sunwoo in. Haknyeon pulled Sunwoo into his arms and hugged him, comforting the boy like his mother would if he was scared. Haknyeon’s bed was soft and the sheets felt cool compared to the warm night air that had a tinge of humidity, making it that much insufferable to be outside. Haknyeon rested his hand on Sunwoo’s face and it made him feel safe knowing that someone was going to be there with him the whole night. Haknyeon would keep him safe from the man no matter what. 

To say that Sunwoo’s parents were terrified when they woke up to find that their child had disappeared from his bed was an understatement. But thankfully, Haknyeon’s parents had called them when they went to go wake up Haknyeon and get him ready for his first day of school. Sunwoo was snuggled tightly against Haknyeon with his thumb in his mouth-- a nasty habit he still slipped into every once in a while, no matter how hard his parents tried to break him from doing so. 

Haknyeon’s mom looked down at them, a smile playing prominent on her face as she gently shook Haknyeon’s shoulder to wake him up.

“Haknyeon, are you and Sunwoo hungry?” her voice was sweet and lulled Sunwoo awake as well, he rubbed his eyes with his free hand and looked up at her with his big gaze.

Somewhere between the two making it to the Park’s kitchen table, Sunwoo’s mom had also made it to Haknyeon’s house. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was still in her pajamas. 

She did not look happy.

Not one bit.

She took him by the hand, pulling him from the house and back to their own. His lip jutted out in a pout as he looked up at his parents. His father had started making breakfast while Sunwoo’s mom had come to fetch him, causing the house to be filled with the aroma of ingredients clashing together in their kitchen. Sunwoo was plopped down at the table, his parent’s looking back at him across the table as they scolded him and told him why he shouldn’t sneak out in the middle of the night at an age such as seven. 

  
  


Sunwoo ate his breakfast after apologising to his parents, swearing to never do anything to scare them like that again and happily bounced back to his room, the window-- less scary now-- staring back dauntingly at him. His mother had set out some clothes for him. He pulled them on and got himself ready to face the world. Haknyeon and his mother had made it to Sunwoo’s house and took photos of the boys together, posing in Sunwoo’s front yard to commemorate their first day of school. Then, hand in hand, the two walked the short distance to the school. 

The two had no worries and fears were tucked into the back of their minds as they made their way down the sidewalk, laughing and not giving any thought to their passing surroundings as they made their way along. But then again you can do that sort of thing when you’re seven years old. Life had not caught up to the pair yet and they thought it never would. Sunwoo hoped that life would always be this simple, always stay this sweet. He had no idea the meaning of growing up. He had never given any thought to how quickly things can change.

But soon he would. 


	2. the one with the water bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo Malone Blackberry and Bay cologne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii!! i was gonna space these out and release a chapter a week but i was really excited for this one :3c I really love this chapter a lot!! :]  
> follow me on my writing twt if you want to!! @hakfansite
> 
> hope you enjoy hehe

The red light was unchanging at the intersection that Haknyeon found himself stopped at while sitting in the passenger seat of Kim Sunwoo’s car. Haknyeon felt like he had been staring up at it for ages, with a mellow pop sound track droning on from the speakers. Sunwoo tapped the pads of his fingers on the steering wheel, following the beat of the song with a blunt clutched tightly between two fingers and bringing it to his mouth every so often. Haknyeon was a lightweight, feeling stoned pretty quickly after taking just a few hits of the weed. 

Haknyeon felt his mouth become dry, realising his jaw had been hanging open for the past few minutes. He finally took his eyes away from the light suspended above the street and cast his gaze upon Sunwoo. His face was beautiful, the red glow illuminating his features and making him look otherworldly. Haknyeon hyper fixated on the way Sunwoo’s lips curled around the blunt when he took a drag from it. The smoke added to the beauty, causing Haknyeon to feel light headed as the haze swirled around them like they were in a fishbowl. 

A lot had changed since they were kids. Sunwoo had changed a lot and so had Haknyeon. They were the same principally but lots had happened that made them  _ different _ . One thing that had always stayed consistent was their presence in each other's lives. Their height had evened out for the most part, Sunwoo had ended up just the slightest bit taller than Haknyeon-- and he held that over him every chance he got. Haknyeon wasn’t the little know-it-all he once was and Sunwoo was no longer helpless and alone. 

Sunwoo was always one for surprises and Haknyeon had barely registered that Sunwoo had put the car in park at the stoplight and had angled his body toward him, his head tilted to the side as he drew Haknyeon closer to him. Sunwoo's fingers curled under Haknyeon’s chin and turned his head upwards. Their lips were nearly touching and Haknyeon knew the drill, parting his lips slightly and closing his eyes as Sunwoo exhaled the smoke into his mouth. He savoured the intimate moment, it made him feel closer to his good friend Sunwoo. But thoughts did creep into his mind… Like how Sunwoo’s thick and soft looking lips would feel against his own if he ever built enough courage to close the space between them. He was always waiting, the tingle upon his lips anticipating a kiss that would never come. 

A car pulled up beside Sunwoo, they both turned their heads to look at it with half-lidded eyes. The windows were tinted dark to the point that they couldn’t see the driver tucked away inside the darkness. The car was a shiny blue Aventador and whoever was in control of it revved their engine.

“Sunwoo…” Haknyeon could feel what was coming next. He felt it in his bones and the slow haze he was once trapped in was dashed away with an intense feeling of near-panic. “Sunwoo,  _ don’t.”  _

Suddenly the music in the car changed, a song that Haknyeon had never heard before in his life. The beat shook the car as Sunwoo turned the music up, a smile that resembled a snarl making itself present on his lips. “Put your seatbelt on and sit back. Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you, Haknyeonie.” 

_ Look like I'm goin' for a swim _

_ Dunked on 'em, now I'm swingin' off the rim _

_ Bitch ain't comin' off the bench _

_ While I'm comin' off the court full drenched _

The light suddenly turned green and Haknyeon had just managed to get his seatbelt clicked when Sunwoo stepped on the gas. His back was pressed against the seat as he accelerated, holding his own with the aventador threatening to pass him up on the empty street. Haknyeon’s heart was in his throat and his knuckles had turned white from gripping the handle attached to the roof of the car above his head. Sunwoo shifted gears, pressing his hooptie to go even faster. 

_ I been on, bitch you been con _

_ Bentley tints on, Fendi prints on _

_ Ay yo I been North, Laura been Croft _

_ Plates say 'Chun-Li' drop the Benz off _

“Sunwoo.” was all Haknyeon could get out, his chest fluttering. The Aventador whizzed past them, but Sunwoo had more fight left in him. He pressed the gas pedal flat against the floorboard of the car and accelerated to at least be at an even speed with the car he was racing. Haknyeon couldn’t lie to himself at that moment. Although he was terrified by how fast Sunwoo was ripping down the highway at three in the morning, he couldn’t deny the fact that Sunwoo had never been more fucking attractive. The way his jaw tensed in concentration and how he angled his head down, eyes glued to the road in front of him with the blunt caught between his teeth and pieces of his fringe splayed across his forehead. He had one hand on the gear shift and the other on the wheel, occasionally glancing at the Aventador to make sure he was still holding his own. 

_ “Fuck.” _

Shit, did Haknyeon say that out loud? He could barely even tell with the way his head was floating in that moment. The world was in slow motion as Haknyeon noticed a blue flare ripping behind them, the loud wail of the sirens getting louder. He saw the blueberries in the side view mirror and squeezed his eyes shut, the blunt Sunwoo was smoking posing a big issue. 

“Quick, open the glove compartment!”

Haknyeon sprung into action, his heart beating heavily in his chest as he pushed the button and watched the door fall open in front of him. Sunwoo threw the blunt into the box and slammed it shut in one swift motion before slowing and pulling to the side, finally letting his car come to a stop. The police car sped past him, more interested in the Aventador that was still barrelling down the highway at top speed. Sunwoo let out a sigh of relief, the moment sobering him a bit. Haknyeon let his breath out, absentmindedly holding it in… He was sure he was about to go to prison for the rest of his life. He couldn’t catch his breath properly, the weed making him more flustered than he normally would’ve been. Haknyeon grabbed the roach out of the glove box and tossed it out the window for safe measure. Sunwoo had put the car in park, letting the two of them acclimate to the situation before feeling safe enough to pull off again and make it inevitably to either Sunwoo’s apartment or one of their friends' houses.

With the smell of pot wafting out of the window, Haknyeon could smell Sunwoo’s cologne invading his senses and washing over him. He smelled like blackberries and it made Haknyeon’s mouth water. He turned from the window, locking eyes with Sunwoo-- he was already looking at Haknyeon, his lips slightly parted. Haknyeon noted the way his eyes darted to his lips, dragging themselves back up to meet his eyes again. Haknyeon reached out, balling his fists in the collar of the tee-shirt Sunwoo was wearing and pulling him closer to the passenger side of the car. Sunwoo was practically on him, their hips connected as Haknyeon pressed their mouths together for the first time. Haknyeon was so fucking right, Sunwoo’s lips were soft. He was rigid at first, surprised at the act that Haknyeon had initiated but he relaxed into it, his hands holding gently onto Haknyeon’s sides and stroking his fingers against him. Haknyeon became pliant, letting the warmth overtake him. A fire ignited in his chest as he wrapped his arms around Sunwoo’s shoulders, one hand snaking up the back of his head and scratching him gently with his blunt nails. Sunwoo groaned against Haknyeon’s mouth gently. Sunwoo did not deepen the kiss to any degree, he simply parted their lips, eliciting gentle  _ smack  _ as they separated from each other. Sunwoo hesitated, rubbing the tip of his nose against Haknyeon’s before he pulled back, righting his position back to how he was before. 

_ I come alive, I, I'm always sky high _

_ Designer thigh highs _

_ It's my lifestyle _

_ I come alive, I, I'm always sky high _

_ Designer thigh highs  _

_ It's my lifestyle _

_ I need a Mai Tai, so fuckin' sci-fi _

_ Give me the password, to the fuckin' WiFi _

“Shit, we could’ve just--”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Sunwoo cut him off, already knowing what he was about to say. The police had scared both of them to the point where they probably wouldn’t be smoking again for a good couple of days. 

Haknyeon felt like his body was vibrating, unable to tell if it was from the kiss or if he was still nervous from the close encounter. “Can we go to Chanhee’s house? His parents are out.”

Sunwoo nodded and put the car in drive, pulling away from the shoulder.

☀ 

Chanhee had let them in with a soft grunt before disappearing into his room to go back to sleep. He made no mention of the fact that it was nearing four a.m. and the two were surprised he had even bothered waking up. The Choi’s had a big house, one with a huge living room, flatscreen tv, and couches that lined two of the neverending walls. Not to mention their huge kitchen that was what dreams were made of. Sunwoo had gone straight to the pantry, digging around and trying not to make too much noise. 

Haknyeon had taken a seat on one of the couches and pulled out his phone, scrolling through twitter and trying to focus his mind on something because he felt as if his head was floating off his shoulders. 

CRACK. Followed by a series of tiny thuds interrupted the silence. He jumped when he heard the explosion before him, he looked up in terror, seeing the candy rain down onto the floor, locking eyes with Sunwoo standing before him, a ripped plastic bag in his hands and mini chocolate bars all over the floor.

“I pulled it too hard...” Sunwoo dropped to the ground, picking up handfuls of the chocolate and putting it into the more in-tact half of the plastic bag.

“I want one!” Haknyeon pleaded, pouting at him. He put his phone on the coffee table before him and felt himself sinking deeper into the couch.

A mini bar of chocolate was being pressed against his lips and he opened his eyes, parting his lips as Sunwoo was above him, eyes heavy as he looked down at Haknyeon. He pushed the chocolate into his open mouth slowly and they never once broke eye contact. Sunwoo traced his thumb over Haknyeon’s bottom lip and cracked a thin smile, trailing down his chin before taking a seat next to him on the couch. 

Haknyeon let the chocolate melt on his tongue, creating a sea of sweetness that cascaded over him. He hummed and let his head fall to the side, being held up by Sunwoo's shoulder. He slid his hand on top of Haknyeon’s, his palm so warm against his skin that it made him tingle. Haknyeon huffed out a sigh as Sunwoo messed with the universal remote for the television that was hung on the wall before them. He tried his damnedest to turn it on but the buttons just wouldn’t work.

“I have to pee.” Haknyeon announced, getting up in one fluid motion, he regrettably didn’t want to get up-- he could’ve stayed like that forever as far as he was concerned.

Bathrooms when you’re high are like a whole other world. The silence behind the closed door was deafening and the fluorescent lights shined a bit too unnaturally. Haknyeon couldn’t help but stare at himself in the mirror, noting the bags under his eyes and his dishevelled hair. He pulled at his lower eyelid with a finger, the veins in his eyeballs screaming red in stark contrast against his sclera. He patted his own cheek, giving himself a grin and shooting finger guns at the reflection looking back at him. 

Chanhee’s bathroom had this crystal light that Haknyeon had always liked, high or sober. The way it projected a flurry of colours as the light shone through the glass reminded him of the stars. He stood there, flicking the switch back and forth and rotating the crystal globe to make the stars dance. He felt like he was part of the universe, floating through space with the bathroom lights off and the colourful light slicing through the thick blackness and flitting across the walls. Haknyeon’s eyes felt heavy suddenly, rubbing at his face with his hands and welcoming the feeling of sobriety that was starting to crash against him. He wanted nothing more than to stretch out with Sunwoo on Chanhee’s couch and just cuddle the shit out of him. Sunwoo was so warm and inviting and Haknyeon felt so fucking cold.

He made his way out of the bathroom, patting his pockets to try to find his phone and check what time it was-- but they were empty.  _ Sunwoo.  _

Sunwoo could never control himself when he saw an opportunity whether it be hiding somewhere to jump out and scare the hell out of someone or to hide Haknyeon’s fucking phone. Haknyeon walked with purpose, reaching the end of the long corridor to see Sunwoo sitting slumped back on the couch, a Twizzler hanging from the corner of his mouth as he watched a stream on Twitch on his own cellphone. He closed it out, locking his phone and putting it down when he saw Haknyeon.

“Feeling okay?” He asked, taking the Twizzler out of his mouth and setting it on the Choi’s stressfully expensive couch.

“Give it back, jerk!” Haknyeon said, standing before Sunwoo and extending his hand.

“Huh? What do you mean?” 

“My phone! I know you took it, Kim.” 

Sunwoo looked up at Haknyeon, his mouth twisting into a grin. “What makes you think that, Haknyeonie?” his voice was lower, he spoke quieter. 

Haknyeon narrowed his eyes, scanning the area around Sunwoo to look for signs of his poor stolen phone. It wasn’t anywhere obvious as far as Haknyeon could tell, but with Sunwoo he admittedly never knew what to expect. 

“AHA!” Haknyeon cackled as he lunged for a bulge in Sunwoo's pants. His hand cupped it, trying to get a good hold onto what he thought was his phone. 

He met eyes with Sunwoo who just stared back in complete and utter shock. Sunwoo was frozen and it looked like he had even stopped breathing for a moment before Haknyeon realised that he was groping Sunwoo’s dick through his pants. Haknyeon felt a chill run down his spine as his ringtone sounded from behind him. 

Haknyeon turned his head, seeing his phone lying on the coffee table behind him, screen lit up and chirping from an alarm he had set for god knows why. 

“Oh my fucking god.” Haknyeon mustered out from between his heavy lips. He turned his attention back to Sunwoo who was seemingly still in shock. He drew his hand back quickly, stepping away from him and standing before the boy awkwardly. “I’m sorry…”

Sunwoo looked up at him. “Let me get this straight: you accuse me of stealing your phone, then you grab my dick and all you have to say to that is ‘sorry?’”

Haknyeon picked up his phone, turning off the alarm and shoving it in his pocket. “You always do things like that anyway.” He grumbled. Haknyeon was pouting, his words hardly audible as he spoke. He sat down on the couch next to Sunwoo and crossed his arms.

“Come on Haknyeonie. Lay with me, I’m sleepy.” He said. 

Haknyeon’s chest tingled, still pricking with embarrassment from what he had done. Sunwoo stood up, standing in front of Haknyeon. 

“Come on, don’t be pouty just because you grabbed my dick.” He paused for a moment, looking into Haknyeon’s eyes. “Wanna sleep in Chanhee’s parents room?” Sunwoo laughed as Haknyeon scowled up at him. Sunwoo held out his hand and Haknyeon reached for it, taking it in his smaller one and immediately the tingling turned into heat that resonated through his being.

Chanhee’s parents' room was lavish and honestly if he knew that Sunwoo and Haknyeon were in there he wouldn’t have been too happy. Sunwoo had shed himself of his jeans and socks quickly, wanting to be comfortable. He laid there with his arm under his head in his black t-shirt and white boxer briefs making him look so comfy and inviting. Haknyeon thought how he looked so cute laying there, wanting nothing but to bury his face in his neck. Haknyeon stepped out of the bathroom, jeans in hand before tossing them on the floor at the foot of the bed. He hopped up on the pillow top mattress and crawled up the length of the bed, plopping on his face next to Sunwoo. 

It was very late when they had finally made it to a resting spot. Their bones ached from pushing themselves for so long without sleep and Haknyeon’s head had started to pound since his high was wearing off. Haknyeon rolled on his side, making himself comfy on the bed. His head rested against the cool silk pillows and it helped ease his headache a little. He felt Sunwoo shift in the bed next to him, his arm lacing around his middle and pulling him flush against Sunwoo’s front. Haknyeon sighed contentedly, Sunwoo’s cologne taking him over again-- blackberries had never smelled so sweet to him. He wasn’t brave enough to roll over and kiss Sunwoo again like he wanted to, to taste the skunky weed on his lips again that covered up the sweetness that was left behind on his tongue that was so undoubtedly Sunwoo. He wanted so badly to flutter his lips against Sunwoo’s neck and make him chuckle softly, look at him so fucking endearingly like he was the only person who existed. Fuck, Ju Haknyeon had it so bad. He was undoubtedly in love with Sunwoo.

Sunwoo’s lips settled on the back of Haknyeon’s neck, resting against the top of his spine. Haknyeon was hyper aware enough that Sunwoo’s breath tickled his skin and made his hair stand on end, it was impossible to sleep when they were so close like this. Sure, they cuddled all the time when they slept in the same place but as Sunwoo’s lips were a step away from kissing him, he felt that it was insufferable. If he sat completely still, holding his breath he could’ve sworn that Sunwoo was actually planting a delicate kiss on his back. Sunwoo stirred a bit, his breathing never dropping into the deepness that would indicate sleep.

“Haknyeonie?”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad you kissed me tonight.”

Haknyeon felt heat crowding his cheeks as his eyes shot open. He had nearly forgotten about how he had kissed Sunwoo in his stoned haze. The tingling in his chest was back and he really didn’t know how to respond.

“You beat me to it, though.” he continued.

“You know any chance I get to win against you at something, I’m going to take it.” Haknyeon said, his voice feeling heavy.

  
Sunwoo chuckled. “You know I like you. Don’t you Haknyeonie?”

☀ 

Haknyeon felt comfy in the little alleyway he found himself standing in the next day, the warm summer air drifting between the buildings and blowing his fringe off his forehead. He clutched a joint tightly between his fingers, his other arm crossed over his chest. He was wearing the same clothes as the day before and he really wished he had gotten the chance to go home and change before coming here, his shirt still had the faintest scent of blackberries and smelling it was making him want to waltz into oncoming traffic.

“Wait, fuck this is too fucking good, tell me what you just said again because I can’t believe my fucking ears Haknyeon.” Hyunjoon was almost doubled over in laughter as Haknyeon’s cheeks turned red again.

“Fuck off.” he said, rolling his eyes. He went to leave, not planning to make it very far before Hyunjoon grabbed his arm.

“No, I’m sorry don’t go.” There was a beat of silence as Haknyeon stopped in his tracks and deadpanned at Hyunjoon. “So you really grabbed his dick, huh.”

“Yes and it was the most embarrassed I’ve ever fucking felt, Hyunjoon. I don’t think you understand.” Haknyeon put his head in his hands. 

“But hey, at least you know he likes you. That’s a step in the right direction.” He said, taking the joint from Haknyeon and sticking it between his own lips. He inhaled deeply.

“It would’ve been better if he hadn’t fallen asleep as soon as he had said it. When we woke up it was like nothing had ever happened, everything was as it always is.”

“Isn’t that a good thing, though? It didn’t make things weird even though you kissed your best friend.”

“I guess you’re right… but I still can’t believe I grabbed his fucking cock like that, who allowed me to be this way.”

Footsteps at the end of the alleyway made them jerk their heads up, Haknyeon nearly grabbing the joint from Hyunjoon and throwing it-- but he restrained himself, the fear of being arrested from last night flashing back into his mind.

“Hey Juyeon.” Haknyeon said, waving him over.

“Hey babies.” He said. Hyunjoon offered the joint to him which he accepted happily taking a draw from it. Juyeon already smelled like weed, it was radiating off of him probably having smoked his fair share already. “What’s going on?”

“Haknyeon’s in love.” Hyunjoon said matter of factly, “with Sunwoo hyung.”

“Still?” he passed the joint back to Haknyeon.

“Still? Oh come on, I know it’s not that obvious, .” Haknyeon shoved Juyeon’s shoulder playfully. 

Juyeon pulled Haknyeon into his arms, pinching his cheek and swinging him back and forth. “You’re an open book, Haknyeonie, of course it’s that obvious.”

Haknyeon relaxed into him, hugging Juyeon around his waist and loving the attention. Juyeon loosened his hold on him and left an arm slung around Haknyeon’s shoulders. 

“Are we doing anything tonight? I’m bored. I feel like we haven’t done anything in a long time.”

“Man, we just went out a few days ago… Like less than a week ago.” Hyunjoon said.

“Anyways, we’re going out on Friday. Me, Sunwoo, Hyunjoon, I think Kevin is going too? And you can bring along Eric if you want to. I think we’re going to that swanky club in Gangnam that just opened.”

“Octagon? How the fuck do you propose that?” Juyeon looked astonished.

Haknyeon waved his hand at the older. “Shh, we know a guy, don’t even worry about it.”

“You guys want me to bring treats?” Juyeon smiled widely, his eyes nearly disappearing behind his cheeks. Haknyeon knew that Juyeon was talking about acid and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“I’m good… Don’t do anything stupid, we’re still going to be in public and you know how locked down things can be in Gangnam.” Haknyeon looked him in the eye, passing on a silent  _ I mean it. _

“I can handle myself Haknyeonie. It’s okay.”

There was a long silence after that. They passed the joint back and forth between them until nothing was left of it. Juyeon’s ever-present smile got wider and more than anything Haknyeon just felt anxious.

“Hey, wanna see a trick I learned? Give me your water bottle Hyunjoon.” Hyunjoon passed his water off to Juyeon with a sidelong glance. “Get ready.”

Juyeon raised the full water bottle to his lips, putting his mouth around the opening. He put his free hand at the end of the bottle, pushing it inward until all that was left of the bottle was a flat disk with the spout poking off the top. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, fighting the urge to belch.

“How the fuck did you--”

“If you can do that it means you’re good at giving head.”

“What? How does that even make any sense?” Hyunjoon was in complete awe. 

Haknyeon watched the two bicker, his ears perking up when he heard the comment about giving head. “Wait, I wanna try.”

Moments later, Juyeon rounded the corner again, two water bottles in hand that he had just bought from the convenience store across the street. He extended one out to Haknyeon which he took eagerly. Haknyeon didn’t know what the fuck he was trying to prove or why he wanted so badly to do this, but he was on a mission to see if he was good at giving head, goddamn it. Haknyeon was in the stage where he was so high that he was dumb. Juyeon tried to tell him what to do with the water bottle but what he had said just didn’t make sense in his mind.

“I do what?”

“Haknyeon. You just push it and open up that muscle in the bottom of your throat. Like you’re trying to talk in a really low voice.”

“He can’t do it, Juyeon. Bet.”

“Well, he’ll either do it or die.”

Haknyeon tried to lower his voice in his throat, a weird crackling feeling bubbling in his neck. He tried to do it like Juyeon had, bringing the bottle to his lips and pushing the bottom in. His cheeks filled with water, his body not letting him drown himself trying to do the stupid trick. He spit the water out, coughing and hunching over.

“I guess you suck at giving head, Haknyeonie.”

He shoved the bottle into Juyeon’s hands, starting to walk out of the alleyway.

“I have to go get ready for work, I’ll see you guys later.”

☀ 

He had finally gone home, taken a well-deserved shower and felt better than he had in awhile. Sometimes a hot shower just made Haknyeon feel like a brand new person. He had changed out of his clothes that he had been in for the past two days and switched it for an outfit that would be more suitable for his shift at the convenience store that afternoon. Once he was behind the counter he slid on his blue vest that his boss insisted on him wearing. Fuck, well at least it wasn’t busy with the kids in summer school or on trips and people at their day jobs. Haknyeon found himself enjoying his job at times like these. Times where he was alone in the glass box. He could do a lot of thinking that way, sorting through his own mind. 

He lifted his head from the counter, tossing a “Welcome!” toward the door when it slid open and beeped. He saw the lanky figure sulking at the back where the coolers were, grabbing a drink and coming back up to the counter. Chanhee looked like he belonged in an ad, he looked just like a model standing there. Haknyeon didn’t realise how intensely Chanhee was staring down at him until he got a good look at his face, blinking away the blurriness in his vision.

“What?”

“You guys slept in my parents room last night.”

Oh. Right.

“I don’t mind but I really wish you guys would’ve asked so I would’ve at least known to clean it before they get back.”

“I’m sorry, Chan. I meant to tell you but we just both got busy.” he paused, looking at the drink on the counter. “Know what? Pick out whatever you want out of here and you can have it on the house.”

Chanhee smirked, picking up his drink and beginning to walk slowly through the aisles. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

He gandered at the rows of food, taking extra care when looking at the ramen stocked on the shelves. He picked up one that was in a cup before making his way to the refrigerated section and grabbing some kimbap as well. He came back to the counter after getting some hot water in his ramen so it would cook, placing his tiny spread on the counter before him.

Kevin strode in, he had a weird smile on his face and it hit Haknyeon like a ton of bricks. God no, he knew exactly what Kevin was about to do.

“So Haknyeonie, heard about your little predicament.”

Haknyeon sighed. “Get outta here.” he said jokingly.

“Hey no, I come to offer my wise advice.” Kevin pointed at himself.

“What makes you so wise?”

“I’m just smart. Now listen to me, you already skipped a few bases.”

“Woah, wait. What happened?” Chanhee interjected.

“Haknyeon felt up Sunwoo.”

“Really? Shit, Haknyeon.”

“Stop spreading that, it was an accident I didn’t mean to grab his dick.” Haknyeon huffed, crossing his arms.

“There are no such things as accidents, Haknyeonie.” Chanhee smiled and wagged his finger at him. “When the hell did that even happen?”

“On your expensive ass couch.” Haknyeon giggled, Chanhee’s expression dropping as he looked at him. 

“God. You know they showed up at my house this morning at fucking four a.m.? Knowing I had class the next day?”

“Maybe you should’ve paid attention during the spring so you wouldn’t have had to take summer classes in the first place.” Haknyeon sighed. “Keep your advice, Kevin. I’m just going to let it ride out, I don’t want to stress myself out more than I already have.”

“Fine, fine. Don’t listen to the smartest person you know.” he rolled his eyes. “It’s your own detriment.”

Chanhee ate his food at the counter, exchanging small talk with the two others. The convenience store was dead that day and no other customers came in to interrupt them. Haknyeon loved listening to the two bicker about the summer semester and their friends they shared— he missed going to school quite honestly. He missed everything about it from the structure to his classmates and to actually feeling like he was an adequate member of society. He felt himself feeling sad as he listened to them speak, envious of the abundance of youth that they still had. He felt silly thinking that way.

“Did you hear about what happened with Changmin?” Chanhee asked between bites of his food. 

“No, what happened?”

Chanhee nearly choked as he started laughing before he could even get the story out. “He drew a dick on the gym floor with permanent marker and wrote ‘Professor Kim was here.’”

They both erupted in light laughter. “Changmin is dumb as hell, he knows he’s in university, right? Why did he even do that?”

“Apparently Professor Kim got onto him about roaming the halls after classes were over for the day and she told him off pretty good. So he did that.” 

It was all so trivial. Haknyeon’s mom had set him up to go to university in Seoul, making sure that he didn’t have to do much to transition. Haknyeon was the typical kid who came from money. Always had meals, always had pocket change, and was always ready to rip and roll. He had managed to get good grades throughout school and it seemed like he had a promising future ahead of him just as his mom wanted him to— like how  _ he  _ wanted to. Haknyeon craved something missing from his life, however. He wanted something to make him feel responsible and to make him learn a life lesson-- a cliche that Haknyeon had picked up and had honed in on. So he took it upon himself to get a job at the convenience store not too far from the apartment he had started renting with the allowance his mom had given him every month out in the city.

Sunwoo was different. They always seemed to be on the same wavelength together. Sunwoo had a similar upbringing, of course. He had moved onto Haknyeon’s street from America when they were seven. Sunwoo was different then, however. Of course he was. Sunwoo seemed weaker before he knew Haknyeon. He was timid and didn’t seem to know a lot. Sunwoo's family was nice for a while, his parents seemed to get along well until one day his father had up and left. Just a loaded mom and a baby sister left behind. Haknyeon knew that took a toll on Sunwoo. He had to step up and be something he really shouldn’t have been at that age. Sunwoo was eleven then. Sunwoo did well through school too. Haknyeon thought he was just naturally smart, just naturally had a brain in his head that worked better than most. He had managed to get into the same university as Haknyeon. But even so, when he moved to Seoul at the beginning of the summer after graduating his mother had cut him off completely. Not like Sunwoo ever used her money anyways. No one would’ve ever guessed he came from a well-off home. He had struggled to get an apartment working petty hours at a factory-- hard fucking work that make Sunwoo's back hurt for a measly pay. But he still made do over most of the summer and got by without any help from anyone. His mom said she would help him when he started classes so he wouldn’t have to have a job while he was in school.

The rest of his shift felt like a blur. He waved off Kevin and Chanhee once it had started getting about time for them to make it back home. The next worker coming in nudged his shoulder, trying to get his attention when calling his name didn’t work. Haknyeon apologised and was on his way, thinking about what he was going to have for dinner. Sunwoo was working that night too, so he wouldn’t be able to call him over to have dinner like they did when they were both free. The sun hadn’t set yet but the sky was a deep vermilion as he walked along the pavement. The summer air turned just the slightest bit cooler when the wind blew steadily against him. The streets were relatively empty besides the cars that pressed on ahead however Haknyeon found that he was the only person walking. He really didn’t mind it.


	3. the one with the chicken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which everyone learns something.

The night air was thick. It was deep enough in the summer where humidity was absolutely dripping in the air no matter what time of day it was, the remnants of the season clinging to everything that it could before it would be whisked away by autumn. Sunwoo always liked to come out at night. He loved looking at the stars in the sky and he loved to run things through his head, just thinking about what he had done that day. A cigarette hanging between his fingers as he draped his arm across the balcony, leaning his cheek against the rail and listening to the sounds of the city below. The balcony was probably his favourite thing about Haknyeon’s apartment-- besides Haknyeon of course.

Sunwoo had worked meticulously earlier in the night when Haknyeon was still awake. Cooking was something he had a great deal of passion for so he put his all into it whenever he got the chance. He knew that Haknyeon’s favourite food was chicken— how could he not, the guy talked about it every chance he got. Sunwoo was careful to mind his fingers as he diced raw chicken into cubes, his personal chef's knife with his name engraved on it with a gold inlay-- a gift-- never leaving the cutting board. This was the kind of thing that Sunwoo thrived in. The quiet kitchen, the lights dimmed yellow around him, just Sunwoo and his food. Haknyeon had the best kitchen. It was large, lots of marble and lots of counter space. Haknyeon sat across from where he was standing, elbows on the marble countertop with his chin resting in his hands.

“You have to make sure the tip of the knife never leaves the cutting board, Haknyeonie. It’s very important and it gives you more control when you’re working with a knife, especially if it’s a big one.” 

Haknyeon nodded attentively.

“You gotta make fluid motions, just let your wrist follow through and you’ll make the perfect cut every time.” 

Sunwoo finished cubing the chicken and turned to the sink, washing his knife before cutting scallions, onions, and tofu on a different board. “You cut on a different board to prevent cross contamination.”

“Can’t you get Somalia from raw chicken?” Haknyeon questioned.

“I-- it’s salmonella, Haknyeonie.” Sunwoo laughed, his heart feeling warm.

“Oh,” Haknyeon giggled. “I thought I was off.”

Sunwoo finished cutting his ingredients and put garlic in his pan with oil, letting the flavour release before adding in the other parts of the recipe, frying it all together with a bit of soy sauce. Sunwoo walked around the kitchen island, his back starting to ache a bit from hunching over the food. He clasped his fingers together and stretched his arms upward before looping them behind his neck, giving him a bit of relief from the ache. He stepped behind Haknyeon who was playing on his phone and bent down, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his shoulder. He felt Haknyeon tense up and he sighed. He couldn’t decide how the other felt about him-- which was really frustrating.

Haknyeon had kissed him two days earlier. To be fair, Sunwoo would’ve done it first but Haknyeon had beat him to the punch. It had knocked him on his ass, unprepared for the crash of their lips and the intensity those few seconds held. When he told Haknyeon later that night that he liked him and got no answer back, it had crushed him beyond belief. For someone who never stopped turning words over in his head and who felt like he never stopped speaking, he sure was fucking tired of talking-- it never got him anywhere, not really. He took a drag of the cigarette and the grey smoke burned his throat. Sunwoo wasn’t a smoker, he was a cliche. He liked pondering things and smoking a cigarette every once in a while just because it was poetic and he felt like it helped him think. He flicked the butt over the balcony and sighed deeply, his lungs feeling reinvigorated with the fresh air that rushed into them. He felt his hair stand on end and his stomach flip when he looked down at the streets below him. He sat up properly after that. The door slid open behind him and he could feel Haknyeon’s presence looming behind him for a moment. Sunwoo couldn’t help the grin that appeared on his face, but he kept looking forward and waiting for Haknyeon to make the move. 

Haknyeon padded out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him. He sat on Sunwoo's thigh, looping his arms around his neck and burying his face against him. 

“M’sleepy, Swoo.” his voice was deep and groggy, like he had just woken up from a year-long slumber. 

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Sunwoo instinctively held Haknyeon around the waist, pulling him tighter against him so that there was no chance of him slipping off of his leg and falling onto the ground. 

“Missed you. You got up. You’re warm.” Haknyeon talked in short sentences, getting his point across quickly. 

Sunwoo sat still there for a moment, listening to Haknyeon’s breathing as it fanned against his neck every so often. Haknyeon pushed out a sigh as he lifted his head and looked Sunwoo in the eyes. He smiled once they made eye contact. Sunwoo's heart swelled in his chest, feeling like it could burst at any second. Haknyeon looked away just as fast, looking out at the city. Haknyeon was but a silhouette in the navy darkness before him, his eyes glinting in the pitch as they flitted up and down. He was so fucking beautiful, Sunwoo noted as he watched him. He always thought that. Haknyeon was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. The way his features were rounded and how he wore his expressions, his heavy eyes, and soft jawline— Sunwoo loved it all. His eyes flicked down to Haknyeon’s lips, thinking about kissing him and making the first move this time. 

“Haknyeonie?”

“Hm?” he turned to look at Sunwoo, their noses nearly bumping together. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Haknyeon hid his smirk and pressed his forehead against Sunwoo's. He turned a bit so that he could face Sunwoo fully without struggle. Sunwoo brought his hand up to Haknyeon’s face, caressing his cheek and drawing him closer. He caught Haknyeon’s lips, pressing them together before pulling back and being curt. He planned to only leave a peck but his desires got the best of him. He connected them again, the kiss deepening further than the one in Sunwoo's car had been. Something spicier about it, less surprising and more familiar. Sunwoo found himself sucking on Haknyeon’s bottom lip and releasing it as he pulled back. Their kiss was a flurry of wetness and squelching, both fighting for some semblance of control with their mouths. Haknyeon surrendered quickly, his bluff being called when Sunwoo took over as he rested his fingers on Haknyeon’s neck, the pad of his thumb against his adam’s apple. Haknyeon’s tongue found its way into Sunwoo's mouth and it stroked against his own before they separated with a  _ smack _ . 

Sunwoo felt dizzy and intoxicated, he looked like an idiot sitting there and looking up at Haknyeon with his mouth hanging open, Haknyeon sharing the same dumb expression. Sunwoo felt an immense heat inside of him as fire rose, baking his insides all the while a shiver was sent up his spine as he sat there. His stomach whined as a stabbing pain was sent through his lower gut. He gasped as he grabbed himself. 

“Sunwoo? Are you okay?” 

“I think I’m gonna be sick—“ Sunwoo jumped up, nearly sending Haknyeon to the ground in the process. He darted for the bathroom, leaving every door he crossed open in his wake. He made it to the toilet, dropping to his knees before it and ejecting the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. He groaned over it, his body feeling shaky as he hit the flush and sent it away, unable to look at it. He didn’t feel better, his throat still threatened to bubble up as he sat there, staring helplessly into the toilet. He felt a light touch on his spine, Haknyeon was rubbing his back. Sunwoo thought he heard Haknyeon ask if he was alright but the pounding in his ears was overpowering anything else in the room. He felt his body rejecting whatever was inside again, dry heaving into the toilet and making obscene sounds. 

Haknyeon straddled his legs, standing over him and pulling his hair back off of his forehead. He placed a cool damp washcloth on Sunwoo's forehead and held it there. 

“You’re gonna be okay. If kissing me was that bad you didn’t have to do it.” Haknyeon said, trying to make the situation lighter. 

“It must’ve been the chicken.” Sunwoo said, his voice cracking. “I think I have food poisoning.” Sunwoo clamoured up to his feet, feeling a bit weak as he did. Haknyeon stepped back, taking the washcloth with him and rewetting it before taking Sunwoo's hand and squeezing it. 

“Come lay down, you’ve gotta be empty now.” Sunwoo let Haknyeon lead him to his bedroom and he collapsed in his bed. Haknyeon replaced the cold rag on his forehead and kept the lights low. 

“You feeling okay, Haknyeonie?” 

“I’m okay… I have a strong stomach.” 

“Can you roll a joint for me? I wanna stop shaking.”

Haknyeon pursed his lips, making his dimples stand out. He nodded, picking up Sunwoo's bag and pulling out his grinder and rolling papers from the front pocket. He picked up a hard book from the floor-- what Sunwoo always used to roll his joints at Haknyeon’s house-- and set it on his lap, getting to work. Sunwoo watched as his short fingers dutifully rolled Sunwoo a joint. He stuck the end between his lips and lit it for Sunwoo before handing it off to him, blowing out a small cloud of smoke. Sunwoo's eyes stayed on Haknyeon’s hands, he wanted to hold it so badly and just feel his warmth.

“Haknyeonie lay down with me.”

Haknyeon looked down at him from where he was sitting on the side of the bed next to Sunwoo. He smiled at him softly, getting up and crawling over him before settling in place beside him. He flattened his hand on Sunwoo’s chest and rubbed him reassuringly. Sunwoo puffed on the joint a bit, offering some to Haknyeon-- which he politely declined. Sunwoo felt a little more relaxed by the time he got to the end of it, a low groan rumbling deep in his chest. 

“Feel better?” Haknyeon asked drowsily. He lifted his head from Sunwoo's shoulder, rolling on his front so that half of his body was on top of Sunwoo and they could look each other in the eyes.

A kiss would not be good right now. Sunwoo restrained himself as he looked upon Haknyeon’s lips even though he yearned to touch him again. Sunwoo nodded. He did feel a lot better now that he was empty. He felt shaky but he could live with that. “Sure you don’t want a hit?”

Haknyeon stuck out his hand, taking the joint from Sunwoo and taking a puff before passing it back.

☀

Sunwoo felt better when he woke up the next morning. He was alone in the bed, the air in Haknyeon’s apartment felt stale and he was burning to death under the mass of blankets that Haknyeon kept on his bed. He pushed them off, sitting on the side of the bed and coughing when he found it hard to swallow. His throat burned and he needed water-- smoking before bed always did that to him. 

He packed himself another joint and lit it up before making his way out into the kitchen and rummaging around Haknyeon’s fridge for a bottle of water. He picked up the wrapped chicken he had made last night, tossing it in the trash with a sneer before taking a big swig of the ice cold water. It flooded his insides and chilled his body. The smoke circled in his lungs when he took the first hit of his joint. It always hit Sunwoo well, he loved the feeling that he got in his chest and he felt like he was always chasing it. He sat on Haknyeon’s couch and stretched his legs out in front of him, propping them on the coffee table. 

Sunwoo jumped when his phone started ringing, he answered it without even looking at who was calling him.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?” Juyeon’s voice droned from the other end of the receiver. 

“I’m at Hak’s, why? What’s up?”

“Do you want to try something fun with me?” Sunwoo could hear Juyeon’s smile as he spoke. He took another hit of his joint and exhaled.

“What’s the move today, Juyeon?”

“I’ve been going to this one place for a couple weeks now and I think it’s something you’ll really enjoy. Real good shit, just give me a yes or no.”

“What is it?”

“Yes or no, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo sighed. “Yes.”

“Great, I’ll come pick you up.” Juyeon said before ending the call, not letting Sunwoo get a word in edgewise. 

“God, that guy.” Sunwoo said under his breath.

Sunwoo pressed his limbs to move, slipping on some socks and taming his mess of a bed head as he finished off his wake and bake. Sunwoo's phone buzzed on the bathroom counter. 

  
  
  


**Juju 10:40 a.m.**

_ Don’t bring anything, my mom is here.  _

His mom? Sunwoo cocked an eyebrow, scenarios running through his head as to where the fuck Juyeon could possibly be taking him. Sunwoo really hoped Juyeon wasn’t pulling him out for some support group or something. The idea made Sunwoo laugh a bit, it was completely absurd but his mind still raced. He bit at the skin on his thumb, the weed making him a little paranoid. 

… But it would also make perfect sense. Of course, how could Sunwoo think any different. Juyeon dragging him away to some convent would be the best way to do it because the only person who was deeper into it than Sunwoo was Juyeon.

**Sunu 10:44 a.m.**

_ What’s your favourite memory with me? _

_ Who’s my best friend besides Haknyeon? _

Sunwoo was determined to make sure it was really Juyeon on the other end of the phone, Sunwoo wasn’t going to be whisked away to some convent, nun’s scared him. 

**Juju 10:44 a.m.**

_ What? _

**Sunu 10:45 a.m.**

_ How do I know you are who you say you are? _

**Juju 10:47 a.m.**

_ … _

_ Jesus Sunwoo, try to sober up a little bit.  _

**Sunu 10:47 a.m.**

_ How did you know… _

**Juju 10:48 a.m.**

_ I misdirected my mom to Haknyeonie’s apartment to buy you some time. Spray yourself with cologne and try to act normal, for the love of god. _

Sunwoo put down his phone, staring at the wall across from him for a moment before he kicked himself into gear. He went back into Haknyeon’s room, looking at his cologne and spray that he had laid out on top of his dresser and grabbing one blindly. He doused himself with it, making sure he didn’t miss any spot on him. He replaced the spray back onto the dresser and got a good whiff of himself. He smelled like Haknyeon always did. Fresh linen and cotton, so fresh and clean. Sunwoo caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror that hung above Haknyeon’s bed, a stupid grin on his face when he did. 

Sunwoo popped a couple Ibuprofen, a trick he learned that helped him come down from a high quicker, and he closed his eyes. He took some deep breaths and he felt floaty. When he opened them again, not much had changed.  _ Damn it.  _ He thought to himself. 

**Juju 11:01 a.m.**

_ Here.  _

The car ride seemed to drag on. Sunwoo was having to really concentrate on what Juyeon’s mom was saying to him so that he didn’t say something off the wall but once he had answered her questions, he swore he couldn’t remember what the hell had even been said. Sunwoo adored Juyeon’s mother. Sunwoo’s own mother had more or less checked out once Sunwoo's dad left. Juyeon’s mom always looked after him when she could, asking him if he had eaten and asking how his job was going. She was just so nice and everything Sunwoo wished he could’ve had in a mom. He was jealous of Juyeon. 

“We’re here!” Juyeon said cheerfully. He got out, opening Sunwoo’s door for him and closing it behind him when he stepped out.

“A gym?” Sunwoo looked up at the building, cocking his head to the side. “Why a gym?”

“I want to show you! I’m in a tournament, I thought you of all people would be really into it. Come on.” He said, grabbing Sunwoo's arm and propelling him forward. 

Juyeon’s mom trailed behind them for a moment before Juyeon took her by the arm on the opposite side of Sunwoo. She beamed up at him and Sunwoo’s heart sang, wishing he had something like that. They were in the gym in what felt like an instant, Juyeon delivered his mother and Sunwoo to a row of fold-out seats that were set out around a boxing ring, they were front row and had a great view of what was to come. “I’ll be in the second fight. Please cheer for me, be loud.”

Sunwoo nodded and Juyeon’s mom patted his hand that rested on his knee. Sunwoo could be loud. Sunwoo was good at being loud. His head spun with how quickly he felt that he had gotten to where he was. He felt like he had blinked back at Haknyeon’s apartment and had just appeared here next to Juyeon’s mom in that seedy little gym. More people began to shuffle in and fill in the seats around the ring and ultimately a pretty decent crowd had gathered to watch the fight. Sunwoo really never took Juyeon as the type, honestly. He seemed soft, what Sunwoo would equate to pacifist. He would’ve never guessed that he had gotten into boxing.

“Hey, partipridak.”

Sunwoo blinked and shook his head slightly, honing in on Eric’s mom. “What’d you say?” Sorry, it's kind of loud in here.”  _ And I’m really fucking high. _

“I said I’m really glad Juyeon got into this. I was afraid for a long time that he was going down the wrong path.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Sunwoo fished for the conversation at hand. Surely she didn’t know about what Juyeon got up to when he wasn’t home. There’s no way he’d still be the same Juyeon if she knew.

“It’s probably not right for me to say, Sunwoo. But I’m sure that you already know.” Sunwoo felt his throat almost closing up. He hoped to god that she didn’t know that all of Juyeon’s bad ass little kid friends were nothing but a bunch of burnouts. “I’m sure you know Eric.”

“What happened with Eric?” 

“He and Juyeon… They were just too close, you know? And it's not right.” Sunwoo knew all about Eric. He and Juyeon were close friends-- very close friends. They had been together for a long time and Sunwoo thought they loved each other in their lingering glances and the way they smiled at each other. Things you just don’t do to someone who’s just a friend. Sunwoo noticed it every time they were all in the same place, but everyone noticed it. They couldn’t get enough of each other and it was beyond obvious what was actually happening.

Sunwoo let her words sink in for a moment before the weight of them actually rested upon his chest and made his heart hurt. It made him feel guilty and he had no idea as to why he was feeling that way. He thought about Haknyeon. How he thought about Haknyeon and how wrong it really was-- but that was easy to think when Haknyeon wasn’t right in front of him. 

Sunwoo was always conditioned to think like Juyeon’s mom. He grew up hearing it, his parents had said it many times when he was young all the way up until he moved out of his mom’s house. They would talk about how the fight for gay rights was disgusting, a slap in the face to people everywhere just because they wanted to live in sin. Their words never felt right to Sunwoo, but they were his parents. What they said was as good as gold to him and he couldn’t help to think that maybe they were right no matter how he felt.

It did hurt him to know she thought this way, however. Especially given that she seemingly knew about Eric. He felt guilty as hell. He felt like he was wrong for being who he was, even if he  _ knew _ that he wasn’t. No matter how many times he tried to press it into his head, tell himself that there was nothing wrong with the way he felt about Haknyeon, it always had a tendency to eat him alive, primarily when presented with the situation head on.

For Sunwoo, playing the part of the heterosexual everyman wasn’t difficult. He used to get sensitive if someone mentioned anything that would even give the slightest hint that he was anything but what he wanted to portray. He over compensated, trying to be stereotypically manly, playing sports, being friends with a lot of girls, all because he didn’t want to come off as what he really was. But he had gotten better about that. Especially now that he was out of school and headed into University. His life was a whole new game being played on a whole new field. Sunwoo wanted more than anything just to be able to accept himself and who he really was. But it was fucking hard.

Sunwoo bit the inside of his cheek, grounding him back to where he was. He looked over at Juyeon’s mom and smiled at her. He pushed the ache in his chest down like he always did, pretending it didn’t exist for another day. “It wasn’t like that with them. I think you have it wrong, honestly.”

She went to say something else but was cut off by an announcer-- or what was as close to an announcer as they could have in their small venue. An older man who spoke loudly, commanding silence without ever asking for it. Sunwoo sighed, his head still floating from his high but relieved that he was finally coming down from it. Juyeon was an adult. He could take care of the rest himself. It wasn’t Sunwoo's place to try to take care of him like that, no matter how much he wanted to protect his friend. It was unfortunately just out of his hands. Sunwoo gave his full attention to the show that was about to start unfolding in front of him.

The first fight went by quickly. They were doing the best out of three rounds, so the rules weren’t nearly as strict as professional boxing like Sunwoo had seen on TV before, and it didn’t seem like the fighters were separated into weight class either. The first match had two men who were starkly contrasted in size. In one corner, a man who stood probably shy of six feet paired with a lankier man who was at least six inches shorter than the former.

They bumped gloves as a makeshift bell was rang and the crowd started to go wild. Although the taller man was seemingly stronger, the other had the benefit of speed and agility on his side. He bounced around the ring in a way that Sunwoo thought was skillful, landing blows to the taller man-- something Sunwoo hadn’t expected to happen. Their match ended fairly quickly, taking up less than ten minutes as their three three-minute rounds ended and the short man came out victorious. The tiny crowd loved it.

Sunwoo stood on his feet when he saw Juyeon standing at the edge of the ring, waiting for the other fighters to clear so he could make his way to his spot and start his own match. Juyeon smiled at Sunwoo when he saw him on his feet. Sunwoo nodded at him, raising an eyebrow and Juyeon sent him a thumbs up. Sunwoo watched as Juyeon took a deep breath in, shedding himself of his jacket as he climbed into the now-empty ring with his opponent on his heels. Juyeon stretched out his shoulders as the announcer set their match up.

“We have newcomer Lee Juyeon in the left corner standing at five feet, eleven inches tall and coming in at a hundred and thirty six pounds!” The announcer paused as the small crowd erupted, of which Sunwoo was the loudest, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting as loud as he could, clapping afterward. “And in the right corner we have Lee Jaehyun standing at five feet, eleven inches tall, weighing in at one hundred and thirty-seven pounds, one of our reigning champions, everyone give a big round of applause!”

Jaehyun wasn’t wearing gloves, instead he had his hands wrapped as opposed to Juyeon’s big and red, almost comical boxing gloves. They tapped fists once the bell had gone off, dropping into their respective fighting stances and dancing around the ring. Everything seemed fine in the beginning, Juyeon landed a couple punches but they didn’t amount to much. Jaehyun got in a couple punches too, obviously having more of an effect on Juyeon than Juyeon actually had on him. The first round ended seemingly without a hitch and Sunwoo cheered with Juyeon’s mom, keeping the atmosphere up with her, trying to get Juyeon as much hype as he could.

The second round started just as the first had, Juyeon getting in a couple petty punches and nearly slipping when he messed up his footwork as he moved around the ring. Jaehyun saw an opening, throwing a rabbit punch to the back of Juyeon’s head as he stumbled around trying to regain his balance again. 

“Illegal! That shit’s illegal!” He said, stepping closer to the ring when the announcer just stood back and tried to watch the rest of the fight unfold. Sunwoo was familiar with boxing, he knew that a punch like that wasn’t supposed to fly. “Hey!” Sunwoo shouted, trying to be heard over the crowd. Juyeon turned back toward Jaehyun, getting hit in the eye as soon as he turned back around and the announcer finally called it, ending the match completely in the second round.

Juyeon won of course, Jaehyun just looked at him, a smirk on his face as he hopped down out of the ring and walked to the back of the gym where he had seemingly come from. Probably a locker room tucked away in the back. Juyeon disappeared in the same direction and stayed gone until the rest of the matches were over. The rest of the fights were uneventful. Sunwoo had taken his seat again and was ready for it to be over. His annoyance had drifted from his body once Juyeon was out of the ring and he wished he could give that Jaehyun guy worse than what he did to Juyeon.

☀

“I won!” Juyeon beamed, smiling brightly as he ran his fingers through his hair.

They were sitting atop Sunwoo's apartment building, an area that was very untravelled by the other residents who lived there, so Sunwoo had more or less claimed it as his personal smoke spot. The sky was painted lilac around them and the air had turned just the tiniest bit cooler as the sun had begun its nightly venture of setting in the western sky. They were a decent ways up but Sunwoo hardly ever was able to get close to the edge, opting to sit down six feet away from it on the flat rooftop. Other buildings dwarfed his own in comparison, towering around them as the sound of evening traffic echoed up from the streets below them.

“Easy to say when the fight got called early.” Sunwoo flicked ashes into the glass ashtray between them. “Does your eye hurt?”

Juyeon pulled at his bottom eyelid and Sunwoo watched as he winced. His skin had taken on a greenish-purple hue after taking that punch to the face earlier in the day. “More than I thought it would.” He released his skin, letting it bounce back to where it previously rested. “Do I look cool at least?”

“You’ll have people worried about you when they walk past. A face like yours and a black eye?” Sunwoo chuckled. “You’re like a kicked puppy.”

One side of Juyeon’s mouth drew up and he looked at the floor in front of them. Sunwoo put his arm around his shoulders. “Juyeon,” he thought about what he was going to say, not wanting to come across wrong. “Can I ask you a question?”

Juyeon ashed out the joint they had been passing back and forth, only really enough to give them a decent buzz. “Yeah, of course.”

“Does… Does your mom  _ know  _ know about Eric?”

Sunwoo watched as Juyeon’s face dropped a little. His eyes seemed to widen as he looked up at Sunwoo under slumped shoulders. “What do you mean? We’re just friends?”

Sunwoo nodded. “Yeah, okay.” he said.

Sunwoo saw himself a lot in Juyeon. Juyeon really was like a brother by blood to him and he always thought that he and Eric were like parallels to what Sunwoo and Haknyeon were. They denied their obviously stirring relationship, kept it private and precious, close to them and only them. But everyone knew about how they felt about each other and how they acted behind closed doors. And nobody questioned it. Sunwoo didn’t want to press him about it because he wouldn’t want to talk about Haknyeon like that either. So he dropped it, falling silent and running a finger across the rubber sidewall of his shoe to get a black scuff off of the white surface.

“Why do you ask?”

“Ah, no reason. Your mom just mentioned something in passing but it's no big deal.” Sunwoo shrugged.

“What did she say?” There was a bit of panic that struck Juyeon’s voice. “Did she say anything specific?”

“No, she just said you two were really close.” Not a complete lie. Just an omission to save Juyeon from unnecessary stress for the time being. “Relax, Juyeon. I told her you two were just really good friends.”

“Good. Because that’s all we are, we’re just friends.” Juyeon went silent again, crossing his arms over his knees and resting his head against it. His face was obscured as he took long and deep breaths. 

Sunwoo felt bad that he had brought down the mood. “I think you should look into a different gym.” Sunwoo rested his elbow on his knee and held his chin in his hand. “If you join a different gym, I’ll join with you. That guy Jaehyun… I don’t like him.”

Juyeon raised his head, looking ahead. “Will you really?”

“Yeah, I’ve watched boxing for years and I’ve always wanted to do it so… why not?”

“Pick a gym and we’ll do it.”

Sunwoo smiled softly. “Thank god, I was afraid of what you’d pick for us to go to.”

He stood up, stretching out his knees and Juyeon caught his wrist. “Sunwoo… is there something wrong with me?”

Sunwoo cocked his head to the side. “I mean you’re weird as hell but there’s nothing objectively wrong with you.”

“I’m serious.” His grip tightened slightly on Sunwoo's arm and he sat back down.

That was a question that passed through Sunwoo’s head every so often too. Was he normal? He felt defective. Like something was off with him, like his brain wasn’t wired the way it was supposed to be. Like he wasn’t normal.

“Isn’t that too broad of a question?” Sunwoo blinked a couple times. “I think that you’re as normal as you can be. But no one is truly normal, the definition is too wide. It encapsulates too much. Do you feel normal?”

Juyeon shook his head no, looking at Sunwoo again. His cheeks were glistening but just slightly. They were mostly dry by then. 

“Well, what makes you feel like you’re not?”

“You know.” his tone was flat.

“It’s not abnormal to feel the way you do. Feeling love is not abnormal and actually it makes you more human than anything else possibly could. Love… love is important, you know? And it can’t possibly make you abnormal. It should make you feel happy and light.” Sunwoo rested his hand on Juyeon’s shoulder, squeezing him gently. “And all of us, all your friends, we’ll always accept you no matter who the fuck you love. It’s no one's business but yours and whoever else it is that’s involved.”

Sunwoo felt like such a fucking hypocrite. 

Juyeon nodded, not offering up a single word. Sunwoo was okay with that though, he just hoped that Juyeon had truly heard the words he had said and listened. The silence was kind of thick around them as the sky had started to deepen to a navy blue, the sun just a soft orange glow at the base of the horizon before them. The air was noticeably cooler then, wind blowing softly against them. Sunwoo felt his pockets, finding a pack of cigarettes that he had really hoped he brought along with him and fished them out. He held one of them to his lips and lit it, inhaling deeply.

He flinched when he felt a slap hit him in the back of the head making an audible thud against his skull. “Cigarettes, Sunwoo?”

“Why did you hit me?!”

“I can’t believe you’re smoking cigarettes.”

“So you hit me?”

“I’m so disappointed in you.”

“Come on, Juyeon. You can’t be serious with all the shit you do? That we’ve done together? And you’re upset over cigarettes??” Sunwoo flicked his ashes. “I don’t even smoke regularly, I just do it every once in a while. It's not worth all this.”

“Do you  _ need _ a crutch of some sort? If something’s wrong you can talk to me or Haknyeon or Jacob, Chanhee even-- you don’t have to smoke to make yourself calm. Jesus, Sunwoo. I can’t believe you’d do this.”

“God, you’re so over dramatic. It's just a cigarette. But fine! If it makes you happy I’ll throw my money away so you’re comfortable.” Sunwoo threw the cigarette towards the edge and watched as it rolled off the rooftop. “Did I please my baby?” Sunwoo said condescendingly.

“As if smoking isn’t a waste of money in the first place.”

Sunwoo rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, okay? Jeez, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Cut it out. You don’t need to be addicted to something like that.”

“You didn’t have to hit me…” He said in a small voice, rubbing the back of his head.

“Hey wait, what day is it?”

Sunwoo looked at his phone that laid beside him. “It’s…. Wednesday? Why?”

“You’re coming out to Octagon with us this weekend, right?”

“Yeah, I was planning on it. Why…”

“I was just wondering.” Juyeon smirked, standing on his feet. “If you stop smoking I’ll bring something fun for you on Saturday.”

“Fun? What is it?”

“If you want to find out, give me the pack.” Juyeon reached his hand out toward Sunwoo. He reluctantly put the box in Juyeon’s palm and deadpanned. 

“It better be actually fun, Juyeon.”

“Oh, it will be. Don’t worry about that.” Juyeon crushed the box in his hands, pulling back and throwing the box off the rooftop as hard as he could, almost bridging the gap between Sunwoo’s building and the one in front of it. “Come on, I’m starving and you owe me food for winning my match today.” Juyeon smiled and put his hand out once again, but this time it was to help Sunwoo stand up.

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” Sunwoo said.

“Aw, you don’t have to agree with it. Come on, I’m feeling steak. Do you want to invite Hak?”

“He’s working today. Had to pull a double because his coworker didn’t show up for the next shift… We were actually supposed to eat together but, you know. Things change.”

“Next time then. Come on.”

Sunwoo stood up, shaking his head and followed Juyeon off the rooftop. His stomach rumbled and he realised very quickly that he hadn’t eaten since the chicken the night before. He wished Haknyeon could go with them. He wished Haknyeon hadn’t been working that night. Sunwoo wanted him there and the fact he couldn’t be made him feel a little bummed out. He knew Haknyeon all too well, knew he was suffering in that glass box right about now.

☀

Sunwoo clutched the plastic bag tightly in his fist as he walked down the sidewalk, styrofoam box squeaking loudly with every other step he took. The convenience store was across the street from him now and he looked both ways up and down the empty street before he crossed it. He pulled the door open and stepped into the fluorescent lighting.

“Hello, welcome.” Haknyeon said without ever once looking up from his seat behind the counter.

Sunwoo stepped up to the counter, plopping the bag on the surface. “Delivery for Ju Haknyeon.”

Haknyeon stood up, finally getting a look at Sunwoo standing there and he smiled. He brushed his red hair out of his eyes, fringe getting a bit longer than it usually was on him. He opened the bag and looked inside. “You went out of your way to get me this?”

“Well, Juyeon made me buy him dinner since he won his boxing match today which… I don’t know if it can actually be considered a win. But I didn’t want to hurt his feelings either.”

Haknyeon pulled the styrofoam box out of the bag along with a loose pair of wooden disposables that were floating around the bottom. He cracked it open and smiled again. “This looks so good, I’m starving.”

Haknyeon started eating and Sunwoo just watched him. He felt good taking care of Haknyeon, it made his chest feel warm. “Anything fun happen today?”

Haknyeon rolled his eyes. “God, there were screaming kids in here like every five minutes when the sun was still up. I was about to drive pencils through my ear drums. What about you? How was the random ass boxing match?”

“It was okay, I, haha, I promised him I’d take up boxing with him. But the match itself was wild as hell, the guy he was fighting threw an illegal punch and basically forfeit the match. He has a black eye now too, it looks nasty.”

“You’re gonna start boxing?”

Sunwoo nodded. “Yeah, I think it’ll be fun.”   
  


“That’s so cool, I can see it. You’re strong anyways so you’ll be wiping the floor with those goons. Glad he's okay though, sounds rough.”

“He seemed pretty pleased with how everything turned out. He was excited as hell that he won. What time do you get off?”

“Eleven. It’s dragging by, no one’s even been in here except for you.” Haknyeon pouted as he spoke.

“I’ll walk you home so you aren’t alone… You really shouldn’t be out that late in the city, especially if you’re walking.”

Sunwoo could’ve stopped breathing with how pretty Haknyeon looked. He wanted to take his face in his hands and kiss the little smirk off his face, he wanted to hold onto him and hug him so tight that their cheeks squished together. Sunwoo loved how his eyes seemed to be pleading whenever Haknyeon looked at him, how his eyes shined and how his heavy blinks made him look soft and cute. Sunwoo sighed and cast his gaze down.

“What’s wrong? You’re kinda quiet.”

Sunwoo shook his head. “Nothing, just thinking. It's been kind of a long day.”

“You sure?”

A lot was on Sunwoo's mind, but it was nothing that he actually wanted to talk about. He couldn’t tell Haknyeon what was bothering him because Haknyeon  _ was  _ what was bothering him. Sunwoo felt like his feelings had to go away, like he couldn’t feel this way about his best friend. He was ashamed of how he felt about Haknyeon and figured he’d have to push it down, pretend his feelings didn’t exist.”

“I’m sure.” He said. “You look really cute, Haknyeonie.” 

Damnit. 

Sunwoo wasn’t good at pushing his feelings down.

Haknyeon’s cheeks dusted pink and he laughed. “What is this? Bringing me dinner and calling me cute. What do you want, Sunwoo. Want me to let you get free drinks?”

“Can’t I call my best friend cute? God. But hey, if you’re serious about the free drinks I can’t turn that down.”

“You’re terrible. Pick whatever you want, weirdo.”

Sunwoo turned, letting his smile fall as soon as he was turned away from Haknyeon. His chest was burning, he felt embarrassed. Why the hell couldn’t he just not speak for once, for the love of god.

He turned back on his heels, walking back up to the counter. “Actually, I want to talk to you about something. It's kind of important.”

Sunwoo's heart beat roughly inside his chest, making him feel like he was about to faint. He rested his palms flat against the glass countertop and looked Haknyeon square in the eyes.

“Sunwoo? What is it?”

Sunwoo took a deep breath, chewing on the inside of his cheek as the moments passed by. His hands clammed up and his mouth went dry as he grasped for straws in his mind, trying to figure out what the fuck to say.

“You’re making me nervous, what’s going on?”

Sunwoo really wished he could just shut the fuck up for once in his life. 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twt!! it's my writing account :] @hakfansite


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